Week 5-6 was bloody hard work, the last week was a nightmare, it was very hard to get through, but iv made it just, thoughts of negativity and can’t do this, moods swings and a general feeling of malaise.
Where did it go wrong? I woke up Sunday morning feeling so ill and the room was spinning I had plans for Sunday, I wanted to create a low calorie Sunday roast and dessert, do a meal plan and prep for the week.. but no I’m curled up on the sofa hugging a cup of coffee, as usual plans went out of the window well they flew out of the bloody window couldn’t get away fast enough, so Sunday I spent the day tucking into roast pork with crackling and lashings of fatty gravy and no vegetables!! and bowls of ice cream ( low fat though ) wishing I’d brought a tub of Ben and Jerry’s, everything had gone to pot so i’m eating what I like, when I like, stuff it, all the hard work had gone down the drain I’m just not capable of living a healthy lifestyle, no chocolate or biscuits or cake for 5 weeks yes 5 bloody long weeks I had denied myself of all the amazing comfort food that I liked no I LOVED.
I may have loved it but my stomach didn’t the pain was horrendous, sat on the loo i was feeling so sorry for myself, yes i had woke up feeling like crap and all my plans had gone out of the window but that was life, just because i’d had, had one crappy day didn’t mean i had undone all the work i had done, it was just a melt down, everyone has a melt down once in a while don’t they?.. So i took my sorry ass and headed up to bed tomorrow was a new day….
Monday morning, i’m still feeling a little bit crap, but its a new day and the spring sunshine is shinning through, putting yesterday behind me, I head straight to the fridge and begin food prepping for the day, all is going well then bamb the fatigue hits me and its off to bed for the next few hours, god i bloody hate my body sometimes its hell living with auto immune illnesses, so the bad mood kicks in again and i’m so frustrated why cant i just carry on through it like ‘normal people’?
Its now Monday evening and i’m so crappy i just want to eat eat eat, i need comfort food NOW but hey guess what i’m on a health kick and there is NO junk food in the house, i’m glad really or i would have just hated myself because i would have just eaten it all, yep every last little morsel would have gone in to my shrinking tummy and expanded it again..Dinner was great though so something good did come out of today.
Tuesday morning, feeling a bit better i think.. but still in a down mood, i do a gentle bit of exercise, being sat down a lot can get quite painful at times so i like to gently stretch out my muscles, the sun is shinning again its another beautiful day so my daughter takes me out for a stroll, well i say stroll i’m sat in my wheelchair and its bloody freezing sat here, and my daughter is not really strolling but pushing my lardy ass around, but she spurs me on by saying your getting easier to push, my lack of confidence i have been feeling has just been restored, OK woman time to snap out of it now, but i can’t why?? go to bed wondering what is going on with me..
Wednesday morning apart from feeling fatigued i’m feeling pretty good, got my chair, my table, garden tubs, compost and seeds. Today i’m back on track, were are going to grow our own veggies, clean eating and saving a few pennies in the process, well i say were going to have a go at homegrown i cant even keep cut flowers alive, wish me luck lots and lots of luck..
The morning is going well then bang… I need sleep, i’m so exhausted everything is spinning and I have my EUREKA moment.
I know why i’m feeling so crap, I’v had 5 weeks of feeling great iv been going non stop on a high. Adrenalin rushing through me, I’v been looking after what goes inside my body but neglecting what is inside my body, i have crashed and burned, being ill i have to manage my time but i haven’t given a thought to my illnesses, just tried to rectify my body, so time to slow down and start listening to my body again..
Off to bed to sleep sleep and sleep then i slept some more. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
THURSDAY WEEK 6………. I made it… I have sat down and took stock, thinking i may not make it, feeling as though i was a failure, and was it all worth it? all the yummy recipes i have created all the glorious food i have eaten and all the Kilos i have lost, YES…. it has been worth it, I just need to remember i cant be supermum every day.. and we cant always get it right, Tomorrow is always a new day, It doesn’t matter how many new days you have.
YOU will get there.
YOU will succeed.
YOU can do it.
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