Back to the beginning. Hypertensive Crisis. Trying to stay positive.

Good morning on this brr chilly morning, I hope this finds you all as well as can be?.

Well as the title says its back to the beginning for me, I currently weigh more than when I began this journey almost 2 years ago.!!!

As you know I can warble on and on so i’ll make this as brief as possible but no promises ha ha ha.

I’m still in the flare that began in September and its not been an easy one this time, although it’s not my longest yet im hoping it won’t break the record of just over 6 months.

Iv had many texts and calls to the doctor regarding my pain and how im doing this year, many ending in tears, but unable to see anyone due to covid restrictions, which is understable, but I knew earlier this week I couldn’t take no for an answer any longer and needed to see someone, so after speaking to a receptionist, a nurse and a doctor they finally agreed to get me in on wednesday, and good job as im in an hypertensive crisis, which I had already suspected, but having needles shoved in my arm and both hands was not nice and the pain was horrendous I just screamed silently, during a flare pain is horrendous even a little stub of say the toe can make you feel as though the toe has been chopped off, we feel it so much more than when a healthy person does the exact same thing.

So along with a frazzled brain, which makes trying to communicate difficult as I struggle to get the words out that I want to say, and what I try to explain is sometimes a bit garbled, I know in my head what im talking about but sometimes its just doesn’t make sense to others or myself, can be very frustrating and upsetting for me.

Iv also have the headache of all headaches, due to the high BP, my legs are like tree trunks and the amount of fluid retention in them is like an olympic swimming pool, and boy do they ache.

FOOD….. well now I have been cutting many many corners as I just didn’t have the energy or emotional state to cook healthy food, Iv relied on takeaways and snacks far far to much, and I knew in my heart the damage I was doing to myself but I just didn’t have the emotional and mentally strength to stop myself.

After leaving the doctors surgery on wednesday I went straight to the supermarket ( that was hard as my anxiety of being around other people during covid is through the roof), I immediately brought fruit and veg and my healthy foods again, and I asked for help in the preparing my meals as I really just cant do it physically at the moment, and I promise myself that I will continue to ask for help, I don’t need to do this alone and suffer in silence anymore, and I’m pleased to say that for the 2 days Iv been back on my healthy eating plan, iv stayed below my calorie allowance and im feeling a bit happier in myself for doing it, still a long way to go but I need to stay as positive as possible and ask for positivity when im feeling urghhhh.

So peeps iv been away for weeks what have I missed? i n your worlds, I have thought about you all often but was emotionally unable to to just come on here and read and write, so while im a sort of right frame of mind i’ll try and catch up with you as much as I can.

But now im going to go and have some breakfast and maybe even get dressed today! I promise I will stay in touch as much as I can.

Please have a wonderful day and stay as safe as possible many virtual hugs and kisses to you all. xoxoxo

Image from google

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