A week of Fear, Anger & Reflections. Diary 24/01/21

Hi there come on in.

Good evening everyone hope this finds you all well.

This last week has been quite a week of fear and anger and reflections.

Fear: that I may have caught covid, despite me taking every available precaution that I have and not going out unless it’s absolutely necessary usually only to medical appointments, I have on occasion gone out to the shop, making sure I am masked up and keeping my distance, with my underlying health issue I worry that if I catch it I may not survive it.

Anger: at people not adhering to the covid requests ie: not wearing a mask, not keeping their distance from other people, leaning over me to reach something off the shelf that I am next to, standing next to me and pulling down there mask so they can talk to me…………I can still hear you through your mask my ears work perfectly.

Angry at not being able to just go for a walk out of the house unaided alone, trying to workout or have a shower and it leaving me either sleeping or exhausted for hours afterwards, my sleep is not refreshing.

Angry that I have these illnesses, that hold me back from being normal! I know there are people much worse of than me but this week I guess you could say I have been full of self pity, why me? I ask myself, what did I do wrong?

Reflections: I know I can never be cured, I know I look well, you look at me and think what is wrong with her, these things I can not change and will never be able to, sometimes I am more positive than others, we all have our day when we just ask why?

To help myself, I eat healthy when I can which so far this year has been quite often, Iv started working out again, it is painful and I may need to take breaks during a session but I will keep going.

There is nothing I can do to change how my body reacts to certain things good 1 day bad the other, while im in the right frame of mind today, I look back and think I can not change the past, I can not change what is happening to me, but I will not help it to destroy me, I will keep fighting and I will keep climbing back up the ladder as long as it fights me I will fight back, I know sometimes I will loose but other times I will win, today I have a more positive outlook thats not to say tomorrow I won’t, but while I can think straight im so ready to begin making changes that will help me out on the days when I need more strength.

So it is fair to say this week has been one of the Good, Bad and Ugly weeks, but as a trooper we all have an inner strength that we may need to call on every now and then and it’s not a sign of weakness to just ask for help when we need it, yes it may be frustrating but we’ve got to do it…

I have so many fears, anger and reflections but Il not keep writing because I would probably be here till next year lol.

I hope you have all had a good weekend, please take care, stay safe and keep smiling xoxoxo

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